Read it here:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1991/04/lest-ye-be-wearied-and-faint-in-your-minds?lang=eng#watch=video
Below I've selected a few excerpts of the talk that stood out to me.
"'The chastisements we have had from time to time have been for our good, and are essential to learn wisdom, and carry us through a school of experience we never could have passed through without.' Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!'"
"Life is so designed that we are to “overcome by faith” (D&C 76:53), not by intellectual acuity or wealth or political prowess."
"We plead for exemption more than we do for sanctification."
"Building faith is often preceded by shaping circumstances"
"Spiritual refinement is not only to make the gross more pure but to further refine the already fine! Hence, said Peter, we should not think a 'fiery trial' to be 'some strange thing.'"
"Real faith, however, is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process."
"As things unfold, sometimes in full view, let us be merciful with each other. We certainly do not criticize hospital patients amid intensive care for looking pale and preoccupied. Why then those recovering from surgery on their souls? No need for us to stare; those stitches will finally come out. And in this hospital, too, it is important for everyone to remember that the hospital chart is not the patient. Extending our mercy to someone need not wait upon our full understanding of their challenges!"
Wow. Every time that I come across a talk like this, I can't believe I was ever living without its counsel. It truly changed my perspective on seemingly "unanswered prayers".
First of all, I loved the imaginary commentary that we all probably go through with the Lord about compromise and that we've got it figured out and that the Lord is the one doing things backwards. I have always valued humor throughout my life and sometimes I cannot help but laugh when trials come to me that are so, for the lack of a better word, ridiculous. Ones that prompt the reoccuring (and untrue) thought, "only this could happen to me". I try to live my life by three quotes, one from Ambrose Redmoon and the next two from Marjorie Pay Hinckley (a woman I admire deeply). The first is "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." The second, "first I obey, then I understand". And finally, (and more relevant to this subject), "the only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache." Sure, I have the occasional this-is-going-to-suck meltdown at first, as my natural tendency is to catastrophize basically any situation with any negative element whatsoever, but I thank the Lord that He has blessed me with wisdom over the years to pick myself up after that and say to trials "well let's do this and let's do this right," followed by a little chuckle. And luckily, I get better and better at it each time.
The talk presented 4 principles as followed, and me being me, of course I have something to say about each one:
1) The Fourth Watch
A specific phrase stood out to me that made me think something that I had not had before. That phrase was "steal my storms". It had never occurred to me before to describe how if God had ceased to let the storms of our trials rage at certain times in our life, that he would be "stealing" them. I really would never have used that word to describe that situation. To steal something is "to take without permission and without intention to return it". My initial thought is why would I ever want something like a painful storm, where I feel nothing but lost and alone, to not be stolen from me? By all means, take it. I could care less if I never saw it again. But as I pondered this, with the knowledge that trials are uniquely given to us to refine us and make us who God specifically needs us to be, it made sense. If God ceased to let the storms rage--if He stole them from us--He would be seriously wronging us and he would be doing us an incredible disfavor. And that is simply not of God's character. Trials are gifts in God's eyes, rather than burdens. I know I need to work harder to see them as He does.
It is so important that we fight against those natural assumptions Brother Wilcox mentioned that tempt us as soon as we get to that third watch and find the Lord is not yet there. These assumptions are what doubts feed off of. If we become bitter in the end, what good is it that we were hopeful in the beginning? We simply need to wait for the fourth watch to come, and trust that either it will come or the Lord has given us the strength we need to endure to the end of the trial already.
I am so grateful that the Lord is a first watch God when we ask for forgiveness. The Lord knows we need immediate rescue for repentance. He knows we cannot calm the storms of sin on our own. The blessing that He is a first watch God when it comes to granting forgiveness makes Him being a fourth watch God in every other situation so very worth it.
2) Tight Like a Dish
It was no surprise to me when Brother Wilcox touched on the times when we are sure we have reached the fourth watch and Christ isn't there. What did surprise me, though, was that instead of telling us that we must be wrong and we must not be at the fourth watch yet (although there are definitely times when we do make this misjudgment), he offered an alternative solution: maybe we have been prepared to face this trial with strength previously given to us by that God we think to have abandoned us in our time of greatest need. No, He has not left us alone. The reason He has not come now is because He has come before. He has prepared us adequately that we have strength and courage enough to face the trial before us. And maybe, just maybe, that means He is trusting us just a little bit more with each passing storm.
It amazes me that every single time that I have ever doubted God, He has shown me that He has already done for me everything that I have asked for and so much more. He is not a God of bare-minimums. He over-exceeds every expectation ever made of Him. What reason do I have not to trust Him this time when He has proven this truth every time before? While the answer is no reason at all, unfortunately, the effect of mortal nature tends to give me spiritual amnesia and I find myself asking God to show me the answer again. What a merciful God to tirelessly and lovingly open our eyes to His ways and why we can trust Him, time and time again, when He has absolutely no obligation to prove this to us at all, let alone over and over again. He doesn't think "why do I have to show you again?" "why can't you just trust me when I just showed you the answer last week in that other trial?" He simply shows us with love. And that is what it means to love someone more than yourself and to be long-suffering and to be meek and to be humble. And it is an example I strive to follow.
3) A Holding Place
As soon as I heard this I just thought, "Well, duh." It just makes perfect and simple sense. Sometimes there isn't anywhere inside of us for the Lord to put an answer to our prayers. It's not always that our hearts are hardened, but that we have not yet been uniquely molded and shaped by very specific experiences in life for us to be able to comprehend His answer fully. He wants to answer and as he did for Brother Wilcox, He will answer our questions as quickly as He can.
4) Stones or Bread
Brother Wilcox explains there are two different kinds of good in our minds, both of which I am sure we are all well-acquainted: the desired good, and the given good. He uses the scriptures in Luke 11 to show us that God does not give useless or harmful gifts. Even we as humans know not to give those kind of gifts, so why would God in His infinite wisdom do such a thing? He says that sometimes we are given by God what we need, which is bread, but it is not the kind of bread we wanted, so we see it as a stone. It is a humbling reminder that it is much easier to be faithful, and not to mention happy, when we are flexible. When we accept all things with the eyes of God, we no longer ask the question of "why is the Lord giving this to me, when I asked for this other thing which is a good thing?" but we look for the answers to "what is the Lord's purpose in giving this to me, since I know all things He gives to me are to prosper me?" We can liken this unto trials given to us in our lives. We do not ask "why is this happening to me?" but instead, "what is there I can learn?" or "what character trait may I grow and develop from this trial?" or "what would the Lord have me do in this situation?"
He concludes by describing the Lord as a fire. One that is purifying, but not destroying. Intensely refining, but at the same time comforting. Chastening, but also reassuring. I am grateful to have a Heavenly Father who knows how much it hurts to be stretched and molded as we pass through the experiences necessary for us to become like Him. He knows because He has done just that, and thus he has provided for us relief and refuge in His Son.
I walked away from this talk with an appreciation for trials. An appreciation for the times when prayers seem to go unanswered. An appreciation for God's infinite and loving wisdom and mercy. A confidence that was not there before, that God really never does leave us alone in our afflictions. He never does. He either attends to our needs in the moment, rescues us after all the fight in us has been fought, or prepares us far before any of it begins. There is no cruelty in an unanswered prayer, no matter how much it may feel like there is in the moment. His promises are true and we can trust that He will answer every single prayer that we pray, but it will be in His own time.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9
