This offers such a refreshing perspective on grace and how it has the power to transform us. I love talks like these because they give such easily relatable parables to get a better understanding of the character of Jesus Christ and who he is, such as the one in this talk about the Lord being the mother who pays for her child's piano lessons, and takes joy not in being paid back, but in seeing her child use the gift she has given him. Yes, grace is enough, grace is sufficient, but if we want to become anything great, if we want heaven to feel like a home, we have to put in the practice and use this great gift to transform us. Some of my favorite quotes are below, but this is a talk that will truly change your perspective on progression and what grace really is. His testimony at the end is so pure and full of love and reminds you that this Church is full of such amazing men and women.
"If we see His requirements as being way too much to ask (“Gosh! None of the other Christians have to pay tithing! None of the other Christians have to go on missions, serve in callings, and do temple work!”), maybe it is because we do not yet see through Christ’s eyes. We have not yet comprehended what He is trying to make of us."
"Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, “The great Mediator asks for our repentance not because we must ‘repay’ him in exchange for his paying our debt to justice, but because repentance initiates a developmental process that, with the Savior’s help, leads us along the path to a saintly character”"
"Elder Dallin H. Oaks has said, “The repenting sinner must suffer for his sins, but this suffering has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change”"
I think this is so crucial to understand in the process of repentance. Your pain has purpose. Your guilt pushes you to become someone different, someone better. Even when we have committed the one thing Christ hates (sin), he is still merciful and loving to us and uses our worst mistakes to make us more like Him. It is such an amazing gift and truly shows how repentance is full of hope and optimism, not discouragement and pessimism.
"I have born-again Christian friends who say to me, “You Mormons are trying to earn your way to heaven.”
I say, “No, we are not earning heaven. We are learning heaven. We are preparing for it. We are practicing for it.""
"A life impacted by grace eventually begins to look like Christ's life."
"The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly. The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed. Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God, but, brothers and sisters, no unchanged thing will even want to... Heaven will not be heaven for those who are not heavenly."
"In the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, “Let me stay.” No, he will probably be saying, “Get me out of here!” Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.”"
"The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—miraculously—we can feel at home there."
"When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with progress in the right direction."
"In all of these cases there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13)."
"Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, “The Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to ‘after’ all we can do. We may receive his grace before, during and after the time when we expend our own efforts”. So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch."
"As we do, we do not discover—as some Christians believe—that Christ requires nothing of us. Rather, we discover the reason He requires so much and the strength to do all He asks. Grace is not the absence of God’s high expectations. Grace is the presence of God’s power."
The wisdom of this man never ceases to amaze me. I think we so often hear these kinds of talks in the aftermath of someone's trials, after the speaker is able to look back and reflect, and see what they were taught, but Elder Maxwell was in the midst of his battle with cancer, one that he told Elder Bednar in a visit he hoped that he would not shrink from. It takes a special kind of person to speak such profound and true principles on trials while in the middle of their own and the Spirit is so strong in testifying that this man lived the principles he spoke on. With every analogy he observed about pain, from 'being stretched on a particular cross' to feeling 'bone weary and would much rather pull off to the side of the road', you just know he has been there, for you could not have described it better yourself.
I can only hope to be like Elder Maxwell someday, but for now, this talk spoke peace to my agitated soul. There is something so soothing about hearing the words of Peter in 1 Peter 4:12 as he instructs us to "think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you," and in verse 13, "but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings." In the end, these trials do make us more like Christ and expand our compassion for what he suffered on our behalf, and that is a hopeful thing to focus on in the pain of the moment. "By taking Jesus' yoke upon us and enduring, we learn most deeply of Him and especially how to be like Him. Even though our experiences are micro compared to His, the process is the same." It is soothing to know this is exactly what was promised in mortality--"a proving and testing experience". It is soothing to know that this is the norm and not the exception. No, God has not forgotten us, or suffered us to experience some extraordinary trial that he has become unaware of. He knows exactly where we are and he knows precisely the purpose for our pain, for he put it there Himself, and He will take it away after we have become what He needed us to become.
"It is God's patient long-suffering which provides us with our chances to improve, affording us urgently needed developmental space or time. If certain mortal experiences were cut short, it would be like pulling up a flower to see how the roots are doing. Put another way, too many anxious openings of the oven door, and the cake falls instead of rising." What a beautiful way to see a trial as an opportunity. Something that came to mind when I heard this was to be patient with myself. To not expect immediate recovery or the instant gratification that the natural man craves, especially in this day and age, where most things can happen in a matter of seconds. To not keep checking that cake or pulling up that flower to see if I have healed or become what I needed to yet, but to let it take its course. Only when I am patient with myself and with God to accomplish the things that need to be accomplished will recovery come. Otherwise those flowers won't grow anymore and the cake won't rise, but fall instead.
"Rather than shoulder-shrugging, true enduring is soul-trembling. Jesus bled not at a few, but 'at every pore'." This made it clear how trials are like an opportunity once again. They are how we become like Christ. They are how we are refined. It is no coincidence that we draw so close to the Lord in the midst of our pains. Although this is true, soul-trembling is truly the way to describe some trials. Elder Holland has said that "Christ knows better than all others that the trials of life can be very deep and we are not shallow people if we struggle with them."
"Sometimes spiritual obedience requires us to 'hold on' lovingly, while others cry, 'Let go!' Enduring may likewise mean, however, 'letting go,' when everything within us wants to “hold on'." I think sometimes it is difficult to recognize which of these we are to choose. We all want to do the right thing, especially when we know we are being tested, and it can take the Lord's timetable to figure that out personally for ourselves, which is of utmost importance.
"Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing when we are being tossed about by the surf of circumstance. Even when a seeming undertow grasps us, somehow, in the tumbling, we are being carried forward, though battered and bruised." Just like when we are caught in that giant wave and we can't tell down from up, in the moment it is difficult to determine forward from backwards. If we have to endure pain, we can only pray that it will push us towards progression rather than regression, and I think sometimes it is only when we are able to look back that we are able to see that if we have ever gone backwards it is only by our own choice, for the Lord will always carry us forward if we are clinging to Him.
"Sustaining correct conduct for a difficult moment under extraordinary stress is very commendable, but so is coping with sustained stress subtly present in seeming routineness." Although I have definitely not mastered this, I take comfort in knowing that "the Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion" (Richard G. Scott).
"By itself, of course, the passage of time does not bring an automatic advance. Yet, like the prodigal son, we often need the 'process of time' in order to come to our spiritual senses. Reflection can bring perception. But reflection and introspection require time. So many spiritual outcomes require saving truths to be mixed with time, forming the elixir of experience, that sovereign remedy for so many things. Without patient and meek endurance we will learn less, see less, feel less, and hear less. We who are egocentric and impatient shut down so much of our receiving capacity." I think one reason that trials are so excruciating is because they come upon the prideful creatures that we are and force us to be humble and to live at the Lord's feet and to rely on no one but Him, for ourselves alone are not enough anymore. They force us to become something and to put our shoulders to the wheel and to just keep going. And sometimes they don't let us progress to the next degree of healing and overcoming until we actively take that time to reflect--until we actively seek out the very "why" to that trial that Heavenly Father has sent this trial exactly for. To stick our feet in the sand and be dragged is so incredibly tempting, and I am definitely 100% guilty of this. And the Lord understands the temptation to do so. But he also expects us to step back and realize there is great purpose in these things, for he does not give us useless or truly harmful experiences. These trials force us to become patient, and if we do stick those feet in the sand, the process will take so much longer than if we used those feet to walk next to the Lord, no matter how slow we feel we may go.
"How could there be refining fires without enduring some heat? Or greater patience without enduring some instructive waiting? Or more empathy without bearing one another’s burdens—not only that others’ burdens may be lightened, but that we may be enlightened through greater empathy? How can there be later magnification without enduring some present deprivation? The enlarging of the soul requires not only some remodeling, but some excavating. Hypocrisy, guile, and other imbedded traits do not go gladly or easily, but if we 'endure it well', we will not grow testy while being tested. Moreover, we find that sorrow can actually enlarge the mind and heart in order to “give place,” expanded space for later joy." It is a hopeful truth to ponder that the greater our trial, the greater our growth. That in the midst of the pain, we can know that it will just make us that much more refined. We can know that it is the necessary payment to cleanse ourselves of the dirt of the world and make room for that joy we so badly yearn for.
"Puzzlement is often the knob on the door of insight. The knob must be firmly grasped and deliberately turned with faith. The harrowing of the soul can be like the harrowing of the soil to increase the yield with things being turned upside down." It is an interesting principle that when things are turned upside-down, they create an opportunity to start over. Puzzlement, faced with faith, unlocks the door to a new perspective. Turning over the soil brings up new soil with new nutrients that can now better produce new life. This is a very comforting principle for me to know that even when everything has changed and nothing seems as it was, there is now so much opportunity for growth that can create hope in a painful situation.
"With spiritual endurance there can be felicity amid poverty, gratitude without plentitude. There can even be meekness amid injustice." This is so incredibly comforting because sometimes when you are in a sorrowful situation, you really don't feel like you can be happy because sorrow and happiness contradict. They just don't seem to be able to coincide. But it reminds me of President Uchtdorf's counsel to recognize that yes, there are sorrowful and painful and hard things currently in my life right now, but I can choose to dwell and live in the parts that are full of light and happiness, nevertheless.
"In a small, but nevertheless sufficient way, we will experience what it is to suffer 'both body and spirit.' Some afflictions are physical, others mental, or so begin. Often, however, they are interactive, forming a special pain." This is one of those descriptions that I could not have said better. A "special pain". Sometimes mental anguish can be so painful that it feels as if it was physical as well. This reminds me of the quote by Elder Oaks that says, "The path of modern pioneers is not easy. Burdens carried in the heart can be just as heavy as those pulled in a handcart." And when these two pains are combined they truly are that "special pain".
"After describing the agonies of the Atonement, Jesus urged us to 'walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me.' This is the only way that you and I can avoid shrinking while achieving that peace which 'passeth all understanding.'" It is the "only way." With that it is extremely important to understand what it means to be meek and the definition of it is to be submissive. Not to what others try and impose on you, but what the Lord guides you towards.
Read it here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/in-the-strength-of-the-lord?lang=eng#watch=video
Below I have copy and pasted the two selections of this talk that impressed me the most.
"'We are so glad to see her. She brings such a spirit with her.' She partakes of the sacrament, and she renews a covenant. She remembers the Savior, and she tries to keep His commandments. And so she takes His Spirit with her, always. Her problems may not be resolved. Most of them come from the choices of others, and even the Heavenly Father who hears her prayers and loves her cannot force others to choose the right. But He can send her to the safety of the Savior and the promise of His Spirit to be with her. And so I am sure that she will, in the strength of the Lord, pass the test she faces, because she keeps the commandment to gather often with the Saints. That is both the evidence that she is enduring well and the source of her strength for what lies ahead. What looked hard, almost impossible under her own power, became a joy in the strength of the Lord."
"In the Master’s service, you will come to know and love Him. You will, if you persevere in prayer and faithful service, begin to sense that the Holy Ghost has become a companion. Many of us have for a period given such service and felt that companionship. If you think back on that time, you will remember that there were changes in you. The temptation to do evil seemed to lessen. The desire to do good increased. Those who knew you best and loved you may have said, 'You have become more kind, more patient. You don’t seem to be the same person.'
You weren’t the same person because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. And the promise is real that we can become new, changed, and better. And we can become stronger for the tests of life. We then go in the strength of the Lord, a strength developed in His service. He goes with us. And in time we become His tested and strengthened disciples."
I am so grateful to know who I am as a daughter of God and to know what I deserve because of that. I'm grateful for the strength to walk away from the things that are not in accordance with this identity and to pursue the things that are. The thing I am most grateful for in the world is the enabling power of the Atonement to be able to change and just become better and better and better. I think it is the most beautiful part of the gospel that something can change our very natures and make us more and more like the Savior. Yes, there are trials and bad in the world, but there are also sources of comfort and refuge and we are not alone because we have the Savior. I love Him.
Read it here:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1991/04/lest-ye-be-wearied-and-faint-in-your-minds?lang=eng#watch=video
Below I've selected a few excerpts of the talk that stood out to me.
"'The chastisements we have had from time to time have been for our good, and are essential to learn wisdom, and carry us through a school of experience we never could have passed through without.' Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!'"
"Life is so designed that we are to “overcome by faith” (D&C 76:53), not by intellectual acuity or wealth or political prowess."
"We plead for exemption more than we do for sanctification."
"Building faith is often preceded by shaping circumstances"
"Spiritual refinement is not only to make the gross more pure but to further refine the already fine! Hence, said Peter, we should not think a 'fiery trial' to be 'some strange thing.'"
"Real faith, however, is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process."
"As things unfold, sometimes in full view, let us be merciful with each other. We certainly do not criticize hospital patients amid intensive care for looking pale and preoccupied. Why then those recovering from surgery on their souls? No need for us to stare; those stitches will finally come out. And in this hospital, too, it is important for everyone to remember that the hospital chart is not the patient. Extending our mercy to someone need not wait upon our full understanding of their challenges!"
Wow. Every time that I come across a talk like this, I can't believe I was ever living without its counsel. It truly changed my perspective on seemingly "unanswered prayers".
First of all, I loved the imaginary commentary that we all probably go through with the Lord about compromise and that we've got it figured out and that the Lord is the one doing things backwards. I have always valued humor throughout my life and sometimes I cannot help but laugh when trials come to me that are so, for the lack of a better word, ridiculous. Ones that prompt the reoccuring (and untrue) thought, "only this could happen to me". I try to live my life by three quotes, one from Ambrose Redmoon and the next two from Marjorie Pay Hinckley (a woman I admire deeply). The first is "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." The second, "first I obey, then I understand". And finally, (and more relevant to this subject), "the only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache." Sure, I have the occasional this-is-going-to-suck meltdown at first, as my natural tendency is to catastrophize basically any situation with any negative element whatsoever, but I thank the Lord that He has blessed me with wisdom over the years to pick myself up after that and say to trials "well let's do this and let's do this right," followed by a little chuckle. And luckily, I get better and better at it each time.
The talk presented 4 principles as followed, and me being me, of course I have something to say about each one:
1) The Fourth Watch
A specific phrase stood out to me that made me think something that I had not had before. That phrase was "steal my storms". It had never occurred to me before to describe how if God had ceased to let the storms of our trials rage at certain times in our life, that he would be "stealing" them. I really would never have used that word to describe that situation. To steal something is "to take without permission and without intention to return it". My initial thought is why would I ever want something like a painful storm, where I feel nothing but lost and alone, to not be stolen from me? By all means, take it. I could care less if I never saw it again. But as I pondered this, with the knowledge that trials are uniquely given to us to refine us and make us who God specifically needs us to be, it made sense. If God ceased to let the storms rage--if He stole them from us--He would be seriously wronging us and he would be doing us an incredible disfavor. And that is simply not of God's character. Trials are gifts in God's eyes, rather than burdens. I know I need to work harder to see them as He does.
It is so important that we fight against those natural assumptions Brother Wilcox mentioned that tempt us as soon as we get to that third watch and find the Lord is not yet there. These assumptions are what doubts feed off of. If we become bitter in the end, what good is it that we were hopeful in the beginning? We simply need to wait for the fourth watch to come, and trust that either it will come or the Lord has given us the strength we need to endure to the end of the trial already.
I am so grateful that the Lord is a first watch God when we ask for forgiveness. The Lord knows we need immediate rescue for repentance. He knows we cannot calm the storms of sin on our own. The blessing that He is a first watch God when it comes to granting forgiveness makes Him being a fourth watch God in every other situation so very worth it.
2) Tight Like a Dish
It was no surprise to me when Brother Wilcox touched on the times when we are sure we have reached the fourth watch and Christ isn't there. What did surprise me, though, was that instead of telling us that we must be wrong and we must not be at the fourth watch yet (although there are definitely times when we do make this misjudgment), he offered an alternative solution: maybe we have been prepared to face this trial with strength previously given to us by that God we think to have abandoned us in our time of greatest need. No, He has not left us alone. The reason He has not come now is because He has come before. He has prepared us adequately that we have strength and courage enough to face the trial before us. And maybe, just maybe, that means He is trusting us just a little bit more with each passing storm.
It amazes me that every single time that I have ever doubted God, He has shown me that He has already done for me everything that I have asked for and so much more. He is not a God of bare-minimums. He over-exceeds every expectation ever made of Him. What reason do I have not to trust Him this time when He has proven this truth every time before? While the answer is no reason at all, unfortunately, the effect of mortal nature tends to give me spiritual amnesia and I find myself asking God to show me the answer again. What a merciful God to tirelessly and lovingly open our eyes to His ways and why we can trust Him, time and time again, when He has absolutely no obligation to prove this to us at all, let alone over and over again. He doesn't think "why do I have to show you again?" "why can't you just trust me when I just showed you the answer last week in that other trial?" He simply shows us with love. And that is what it means to love someone more than yourself and to be long-suffering and to be meek and to be humble. And it is an example I strive to follow.
3) A Holding Place
As soon as I heard this I just thought, "Well, duh." It just makes perfect and simple sense. Sometimes there isn't anywhere inside of us for the Lord to put an answer to our prayers. It's not always that our hearts are hardened, but that we have not yet been uniquely molded and shaped by very specific experiences in life for us to be able to comprehend His answer fully. He wants to answer and as he did for Brother Wilcox, He will answer our questions as quickly as He can.
4) Stones or Bread
Brother Wilcox explains there are two different kinds of good in our minds, both of which I am sure we are all well-acquainted: the desired good, and the given good. He uses the scriptures in Luke 11 to show us that God does not give useless or harmful gifts. Even we as humans know not to give those kind of gifts, so why would God in His infinite wisdom do such a thing? He says that sometimes we are given by God what we need, which is bread, but it is not the kind of bread we wanted, so we see it as a stone. It is a humbling reminder that it is much easier to be faithful, and not to mention happy, when we are flexible. When we accept all things with the eyes of God, we no longer ask the question of "why is the Lord giving this to me, when I asked for this other thing which is a good thing?" but we look for the answers to "what is the Lord's purpose in giving this to me, since I know all things He gives to me are to prosper me?" We can liken this unto trials given to us in our lives. We do not ask "why is this happening to me?" but instead, "what is there I can learn?" or "what character trait may I grow and develop from this trial?" or "what would the Lord have me do in this situation?"
He concludes by describing the Lord as a fire. One that is purifying, but not destroying. Intensely refining, but at the same time comforting. Chastening, but also reassuring. I am grateful to have a Heavenly Father who knows how much it hurts to be stretched and molded as we pass through the experiences necessary for us to become like Him. He knows because He has done just that, and thus he has provided for us relief and refuge in His Son.
I walked away from this talk with an appreciation for trials. An appreciation for the times when prayers seem to go unanswered. An appreciation for God's infinite and loving wisdom and mercy. A confidence that was not there before, that God really never does leave us alone in our afflictions. He never does. He either attends to our needs in the moment, rescues us after all the fight in us has been fought, or prepares us far before any of it begins. There is no cruelty in an unanswered prayer, no matter how much it may feel like there is in the moment. His promises are true and we can trust that He will answer every single prayer that we pray, but it will be in His own time.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9
